If I Could Remember-Vedant Saxena

Book: If I Could Remember
Author: Vedant Saxena
Publisher: Kalamos Literary Services

Do you think the past comes back to haunt us?

If I Could Remember by Vedant Saxena tells us the story of Armaan who wakes up one summer night to find a corpse lying beside him, and there is blood all around him, only to realise it was a dream. This is just one such instance, and his life has actually become a blur where differentiation between reality and dreams has become very difficult, and add to that he has memory lapses. Things were happening like this until the day he discovered the tapes of his classmate Ananya in his father’s office, who is a psychiatrist. What is in those tapes that put the fear of god in her? Things start changing when the tapes go missing, and he starts thinking that there is an underlying fear that something sinister is happening, until Ananya opens up to him that she has a traumatic past, so much so that it has forced her to kill. What are the secrets that the people are hiding?

First things first, the book is not for the faint hearted. The book is excruciatingly detailed and Vedant has explained the physical and mental trauma of Ananya and Armaan quite graphically. The plot of the book is very well written, and the story moves at a pace that is a bit slow, but it actually adds up to the thrill of the story. The revelations are slow, and as they secrets start tumbling out. The events preceding the chapter start making sense. Since the characters are late teens, the language is what a teen uses. It is easy to comprehend, but as a personal recommendation, I would not recommend a sprint read, rather a marathon by taking a break after a few chapters to process the events. Vedant has taken 2 characters and shown how physical and mental abuse of a person can affect them, and change their perspective on life. Another idea that I liked in the book was that of hope, and how proper support can change a person’s life. The last part of the book is exquisitely written, and the twist in the tale was phenomenal. The moment the other shoe drops, I took a moment to process things, and the last scene of the book makes me want to know more as to what happened after that.

Coming to the characters, Armaan as a character impressed me in the manner he evolves through the time. Despite the way he was treated by his peers, he was actually not one to resent. The trigger event was something that changes his perspective, but I felt that Armaan’s condition was a result of the society’s ignorance, rather than his anger. Ananya’s character lies between the black and white and while each reader would have their own interpretation of her actions, I think Vedant drew her as an anti-thesis to Armaan as to how different people react to trauma. Mrs. Rekha was one character I must applaud, and I think she was the one who actually understands Armaan and mental health, and it is my interpretation is that she actually looked out for Armaan, and her detentions were actually a way for Armaan to seek help from her.

Overall, this is one book that I would recommend to everyone. It scores a 4.94/5 for me.

Grab a copy of the book here.